Sunday, June 21, 2009

On Being a Father

I first became a father at the age of 28. I remember the experience very well. While my son was being born on one floor of the hospital, I was trying to pass a kidney stone on another floor. After he was born, the hospital was gracious enough to wheel me up or down to his floor. I was allowed to see him and his mother at what hospital staff deemed a safe distance. Because I was a patient, they would not risk me getting close enough to give either of them a kidney stone.

I recall the distinct feeling of disappointment when I first saw Stacy. He was the first newborn I had ever seen. He was probably less than half an hour old and not totally cleaned up from the birthing experience. He didn’t look cute at all. Thankfully, the next time I saw him, he had morphed into the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He is still a pretty handsome guy.

When Stacy was just two years old, his mom divorced me. Soon after the divorce, his mom moved to another part of the state. With about a three hour drive – each way – between us, a lifelong strain on our relationship was created. Most of the visits for the first couple of years were pretty short and fairly infrequent. What do you do with a two or three year old for a few hours?

In 1979, I became father to two more awesome kids. In November of that year I married Kathy. She had Steve and Kris, her two children by her first marriage. Their dad had died in an accident on the mission field in Brazil in 1973. As we planned our marriage, we also set in motion the legal process whereby I would adopt these two kids. That was official on December, 7th of that year.

I had had a close friendship with Kathy and her children for a couple of years before we became family. The kids were ripe for a dad and I was glad to be theirs. It didn’t take long before they were comfortable calling me “Dad” instead of Dane. And today, almost 30 years later, I can’t imagine feeling any closer to Steve and Kris if they were my natural children. We are family. And the bonds of family are relational bonds of love rather than mere genetic bonds.

So far, I have introduced three kids who know me as Dad. I have one more. Kathy and I had our son, Adam, in 1981. I affectionately refer to him as the caboose of our family. Between the time when Stacy was born and when Adam was born, a lot of changes had taken place in the medical world, especially regarding birthing. In the 80’s, Dad’s were encouraged to be in the actual labor room to participate in the birth process. I remember Dr. Sholl receiving our little boy from the womb, handing him to a nurse who cleaned him up, wrapped him up, and handed him to me! Wow! What a wonderful, indescribable, joyful experience!

Being a Dad is not easy. I can remember feeling the weight of responsibility to provide for my family. I also remember feeling like there wasn’t enough of me to go around to fill the various roles of my life as a minister and a family man. My kids have at times wanted me to provide them more and better stuff than I did. I, at times, wanted to provide them with more and better stuff than I did. I was far from perfect as a dad, but I made an earnest effort to provide my children an active, involved, caring dad. Kathy and I worked together to give them a reasonably wholesome, stable home life. And we have released our children to be their own persons. They are each in our daily prayers.

Regrets? Sure. I wish I had spent more one-on-one time with each of my children. I wish I had handled challenges to my authority more graciously. I wish I had been able to figure out how to further reduce the losses divorce brought to me, to Stacy, and to our relationship.

In spite of the presence of these regrets, I am thankful for the love of three sons, one daughter, five granddaughters, and two grandsons. Being a father is one obvious aspect of the grace of God in my life. Not only has this blessed me, it has served to mature me. Scripture affirms that children are “a reward from [the Lord]” and grandchildren “are a crown to [their grandparents]" (PS 127:3; PR 17:6). Amen!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Our Economy and Our Government

There is no doubt that our economy is in serious trouble. Now, I am by no means an economist. I’m just a biblically-thinking citizen. Furthermore, our economy is in its current mess with all those real economists having done their thing; so, don’t expect me to be intimidated by your degree in economics, if you want to argue with what I have to say here.

Here are the problems that I see. Back in the 60’s women entered the workforce full-force. Like never before, women planned careers, if only as a clerk at a retail store. Thus, we had the launch of the two-income family as the dominant form. Remember, this was the “baby boomer” generation. That meant unusually large numbers of people became adults and adopted this new lifestyle. A wave of prosperity followed. As young families we had more funds available than the previous generation. And we had credit available.

Throughout my adult life, living on credit has been a way of life. We have not asked if we could afford to buy something; we asked, “can I afford the payments?” Lenders of money have worked to make sure we could “afford the payments.” Over the past 40 years, we have seen the proliferation of stores of all kinds – places to spend money, in many cases money we didn’t have to spend. Now, if you think me wrong, you should look at the bankruptcy rates of the past several years. Look at the growing amount of credit card debt the average American has carried in the past several years.

All of our earning and spending has obviously had a positive effect on the economy. We have had the means to buy stuff, so companies have had incentive to make stuff. When I was a young man, I could tell you the make, model and year of almost every car on the road. Today it's a challenge to get the make right on most of them. And the amenities available for our vehicles have exploded. And, of course, we need all these things. So, we have gone into debt to get them.

Our government likes a booming economy. It means there is a lot of money in the system – all the more to tax. And our government, over the past four decades, has spent like the proverbial “drunken sailor” just like much of the American citizenry. Elected officials keep coming up with more neat stuff they should do for us (with our money). And we keep electing them to do it.

Our federal government has manipulated the economy for many years. When the economy was struggling, they just gave it a dose of medicine: lower the interest rates. For several years, we all heard about mortgage interest rates at 30 and 40 year lows. Well, that made buying our dream home more feasible. And, just like our automobiles, the amenities available for our homes have multiplied. Of course, we have needed as many of those as we could afford (meaning, as much as we can afford the payments on). Now, all of that interest rate manipulation did stimulate the economy. The housing market was booming. That meant that furniture and appliance businesses were booming. Other related businesses prospered, too.

Not everyone has been financially irresponsible, of course. But a sizable percentage of us have lived paycheck-to-paycheck (make that paychecks-to-paychecks) with little-to-no margin in the budget. When the unexpected happens (that is, what would have been expected if we had been living in reality), we are not prepared. A large car repair bill hits us; a storm causes us to have to have a big tree cut down and hauled off; our sewer line has to be replaced; we have to pay an insurance deductible and co-pay; one of us loses his/her job – then we are in major financial trouble.

The people we send to represent us in our local, state and federal governments have depended upon an ever-expanding economy. They want to do things and figure a way to do them. Increase taxes. Add or increase a fee for something. Just print the money if you have to.

At least three violations of Scripture are attached to our current problems. Let’s look at these.
1. Jesus said: “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (LK 12:15). Through my adult life, it appears that we Americans do not agree with Jesus. Our lives are very much rooted in the “abundance of [our] possessions”. It seems to be an American right. We are entitled to really nice homes, really nice cars, and really nice STUFF. On the Christian scene, we find a whole theology that supports our desire for stuff that suggests wealth. Name it; claim it; charge it!
2. Jesus said: “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (MT 6:28-33). Even in the Church, it seems to me that “seeking God’s Kingdom” is displaced by worry over what we will eat, wear, drive, where we will eat and shop for our clothes, and where we will live and vacation.

3. A Proverb says, “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender” (PR 22:7). The Apostle Paul penned these challenging words: “Owe no one anything except to love one another . . .” (RM 13:8). The Bible looks at debt as bondage or at least potential bondage. Our culture, on the other hand, has looked at it as a great blessing. “Buy now, pay later” say the rich to the poor. And many of us have not realized that we are slaves while we sit in the midst of all our stuff. Surely slaves don’t have this kind of stuff, do they?

In closing this piece, I will just encourage you to make wise and godly choices with the resources God has given you. It is time to make debt-free living a real goal. It is time to assess our values and priorities. How different are they from “the pagans”? How should they be different. It is time to seek God’s Kingdom as our real and highest priority. I believe that very tough economic times are ahead of us, not just in spite of the current administration’s spending frenzy, but actually because of it.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A Sabbath Rest

My wife and I hosted our small group last Saturday. A Swiss couple is a part of our group. Somehow in our discussion of the material in our chapter from Mere Christianity, Doris – our Swiss friend – asked why in America (especially here in the Bible Belt) we do everything on Sunday just like every other day. She said, for instance, in her homeland they would not mow their lawns on Sunday. In their culture, if your neighbor were to mow his yard on Sunday, and you giving him a dirty look did not cause him to put the mower up until another day, you could call the police and they would encourage your neighbor to put the mower up. Doris and Adrian are obviously annoyed in our culture with the fact that on any given Sunday they are likely to have the tranquillity of the day broken multiple times as different neighbors choose different times of the day to mow their lawn.

We had a very interesting discussion about Sabbath observance. We talked about “blue laws” from my youthful years that have mostly been repealed. It was hard to find a restaurant or other business open on Sunday when I was growing up. I don’t remember any prohibitions about mowing the lawn. It seems that we mowed in the evenings or on Saturday, but I don’t remember that having any religious basis.

I remember being convicted about shopping on our day of rest (Sunday) a few years ago. It seemed to me that we Christians had come to treat Sunday like any other day. The Hebrews had a practice of preparing themselves for the Sabbath (Saturday). The day before the Sabbath was called “The Day of Preparation”; that is, the day to prepare for observing the Sabbath. If you are not going to shop or mow your yard or wash your car or . . ., you would need to think ahead, plan ahead. That is what Preparation Day was.

I suggested to my wife back then that we have a mental “Day of Preparation” so that we would not have to make a trip to the store on Sunday. We have made that effort for some time. We often go out to eat on Sunday, with or without friends and family. I’m aware of the fact that that makes someone else have to work on Sunday.

The Chick-fil-A chain closes on Sunday. Frankly, I haven’t figured out if they are not being very good servants or if I am not being very consistent in my theology. I definitely avoid working on my day of rest, but like it that others (at least in restaurants) don’t share my convictions.

It was an interesting experience to look at our culture through the eyes of outsiders. I do think that most of us Christians have dumbed-down our ideas about Sabbath observance.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Where’s the Justice?

It seems that the law schools of our nation have failed to prepare people to serve in our justice system. The justice system exists to serve people who suffer because of unjust, unlawful treatment. It does not exist to merely provide jobs for law school graduates. When the lawyers and judges fail to provide justice for the violated, they have failed their mission.

One of these colossal failures happened this week in McAlester, OK. A 64 year old man who was charged with 1st degree rape and forcible sodomy of a five year old girl, was given a ONE YEAR sentence by the judge. Because this little girl was afraid to testify in the courtroom with the creep who violated her present, the judge and prosecutor apparently did not feel they could get a conviction. And in America today, they might not! So, they accepted a plea deal offered by the defendant’s lawyer. The pervert would plead guilty to the charges if only required to serve one year of time.

I wonder how many combined years of law school the prosecutor, defense lawyer and judge have. Surely it would be enough education in law and justice to realize that the ONE who was served in this deal was the perpetrator. I think all three of them should be immediately unemployed. I’d like to see them all on a street corner with cardboard signs that say “Will work for food.” They obviously don’t work for justice. They didn’t work for that little girl. She deserved better from a system that would claim the modifier “justice”.

This is admittedly especially offensive to me. In my ministry work, I have seen many victims of childhood sexual abuse. It’s a horrible thing for a child’s innocence to be stolen. I have heard many stories of little girls who went to mom or dad to reveal what was happening to them, only to be told something that made them feel like the abuse wasn’t really all that bad (ie, “Just stay away from Uncle Bill when he comes around.). The little girl in McAlester has been told this, not by a weak parent, but by the court. “Honey, we’re sorry about what happened to you, but it wasn’t really all that bad; we’re just going to send the man to prison for a year.” Damn this!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Am Not a Tiller Killer

Last Sunday in Wichita, Kansas, Scott Roeder killed Dr. George Tiller in the foyer of Tiller’s Reformation Lutheran Church with a single gunshot. Tiller was one of a very few doctors in the US whose practice specialized in late-term abortions.

This was not the first time that radical anti-abortionists had attacked Tiller. In 1986, Tiller’s clinic was bombed without human injuries. In 1993, he was shot by an abortion activist who remains in prison for the attack. His clinic has been an ongoing scene of protests. Tiller was radically committed to the practice of abortions. He was among those who had no conscience against the despicable practice of “partial-birth abortion.” In my view, he was a mass murderer, a high-tech hit man. For $5000 he would kill any baby in any woman’s womb. It would probably shock us to see the number of not-yet-born people he put to death.

Last Sunday, Dr. Tiller met someone who was as radical as he, another killer. The difference is that Kansas law approved Dr. Tiller’s acts of murder; it did not approve Mr. Roeder’s. I have no complaint regarding Kansas law regarding Mr. Roeder. In my opinion, he should be tried, convicted, and punished for his act of murder. My problem with Kansas law is that it approved Dr. Tiller’s acts of murder.

Obviously, I am absolutely opposed to Dr. Tiller’s work. I have no respect for the man. I have no respect for his kind of Christianity. I wonder what it was like for him to meet his Maker. Did Heaven view him as a hero coming home?

Thankfully, we do live in a land of law and order. Thus, Mr. Roeder had no right to take the law into his own hands. I would never advocate or support this. I do believe, however, that the state of the law in America regarding abortion is a very real factor in the death of Dr. Tiller.

Law only defines what is legal versus what is illegal in a society. It does not necessarily define right and wrong. Unfortunately, many people do not realize this; they assume that anything that is legal is also right to do. When there is substantial difference between that which is legal in a society and that which is truly right, conflict can be intense. In such situations, radicals are naturally attracted into the fray. If the law were on the right side of this issue, Dr. Tiller would probably not have been performing abortions. He could have employed his skills in a constructive manner, to serve life rather than destroy it. And, if Dr. Tiller insisted on performing abortions anyway, he could then be put in prison.

Already underway is an attempt to connect Mr. Roeder with people like me. Mr. Roeder and I evidently shared a common view of abortion, but we didn’t share a common view of life. Trust me, if even one percent of us who are pro-life activists reasoned like Mr. Roeder, we would be hearing of abortion clinic attacks, and assaults on abortionists weekly. And the fact that Mr. Tiller was killed in his own church, shows that there would be no safe place for abortionists from determined killers like Mr. Roeder.

I honestly believe that part of the blame for Tiller’s death can be placed on the many Americans who have right opinions about abortion, but lack real convictions about it. The pro-choice, actually pro-abortion, crowd has convictions. They have pushed for the laws that exist. If you are pro-life, don’t do what Mr. Roeder did; but by all means, do something for the unborn. Get informed. Peacefully protest. Contact your government representatives. Vote.

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