A Report Card From God

When I was in graduate school back in the 80’s, some of the most important lessons I learned were not a planned part of the curriculum. One of these lessons happened at the end of a semester after I had finished all of the course work and taken all the final exams.

I went through grad school at the rate of two courses per semester (six credit hours). I worked a full-time job and was married with four children at the time. This particular semester I had chosen to take three courses (nine credit hours) in order to be able to finish the degree program in one more year. I knew it would be a stretch, but felt confident that I could handle the additional load.

At this point I had managed to keep a 4.O grade point average. My GPA had not been a major issue to me, at least consciously. In one of my courses this semester I got a “low B” grade on a major assignment. Immediately, my GPA became a conscious concern. I knew that I would have to work hard to keep the grade on that assignment from costing me an “A” in the course. So, the rest of the semester I poured in extra effort in hopes of preserving my perfect GPA.

So, when all the work was done, I hoped that I had done enough. I knew it would be close. Waiting for the grades to be posted was difficult that semester. It surprised me to realize how much I thought about those grades. Finally, the grades were posted. I got a “B” in that class.

I felt moderate disappointment. I had prepared myself not to be greatly disappointed. Then, I encountered a totally unexpected experience. God spoke to me. Now, I am not one who boasts of hearing God speak to me personally very often. This was one occasion.

While I was contemplating the dinged GPA, I heard God ask me three questions. First, He asked, “Would you like to see the grade I would give you as a husband this semester?” Then He asked, “Would you like to see the grade I would give you as a father this semester?” Finally, He asked, “Would you like to see the grade I would give you as a minister this semester?” The questions pricked my heart. I knew immediately what He was getting at. I had cut corners in each of these areas in order to devote more energy into preserving that GPA that I had previously thought didn’t really matter to me. He didn’t give me the grades. He didn’t need to. The questions were sufficient.

We both knew I wouldn’t be getting “A’s” there. Now, I wouldn’t be getting “D’s” or “F’s” either. I was being fairly responsible in these three areas. No one was complaining that I remember. Not my wife, not my children, not my parishioners. Still, I honestly knew I was slacking off in those areas in order to invest elsewhere.

God was not shaming me in this interchange. He was showing me my heart. I would work hard for the tangible affirmation of a professor’s grade. And that was much easier to pursue in the academic world than at home or at work. Sometimes in my marriage, in my role as a father, and even in my work I wonder about the grade people would give me. I think I’m passing, but not always sure I’m doing really well. Sometimes I think a syllabus with specific objectives and a concrete grading system for each of my roles would be advantageous. I might know where I stand. But then, I might not like where I stand. I am grateful for the grace of God. Though He sees things about my heart that no others see, He loves and accepts me still. And I had a powerful refresher course in that great truth as God spoke to me by His Spirit that day. It remains a precious memory to this day.